and i’m scared there are moments
you will touch me,
but be craving her.
i am scared there will be a moment
when you start to realise
it is not me that you want.
the perfect temporary lover.
a safe place to rest.
offering her the bare minimum, the basics…
whatever is left.
fulfilling but not addicting.
fun but not crazy.
tolerable but not boring.
we’re into the same things.
in the same emotional and mental space
and we are slowly helping each other recover.
helping each other see the good in ourselves.
helping each other be distracted.
keeping each other sane.
keeping each other warm.
i’m her lifeline and she’s my safe haven.
the world might kill her and the world is too scary for me.
so how does it end?
will my thoughts of you slowly trickle through the cracks she’s creating in this wall i’ve built?
will i be left empty?
will faking it eventually become me?
will i fall for her?
will i forget about you?
will i not need you?
why can’t i stop thinking of you still?
she makes me happy.
why am i still full…
why aren’t we falling for each other like you and she did?
when will my karma end?
when will the questions end?
when will i feel again?
sometimes when i’m with her i forget.
i think that’s why i keep surrounding myself with her company.
a friendly reminder that i’m something to be admired.
that my existence is a positive thing.
that i can laugh and smile and not be preoccupied with fleeting thoughts of love and loneliness.
there are other things.
she’s showed me that.
she’s showed me ulterior perspectives.
she’s showed me that it isn’t always about the degree, the car, the clothes…
she’s showed me that it’s about integrity and potential
and that anyone who doesn’t want me because of my circumstances doesn’t want
who I am without the fluff…
without the resume…
she could love me.
i’m sure of it.
and i could love her.
and maybe we will but
we are still so full…
so full of you…
full of her…
full of doubt…
full of uncertainty…
full of exhaustion…
we are both tired.
and we are both slowly bringing each other back to speed…
whipping each other back in shape…
i am her lifeline.
and she is my safe haven.
i’m there… checking her vitals.
and she is there… holding me
when the dark thoughts creep in at night.
the first step towards confidence is not being afraid to be ugly
once you get over the fear of being unattractive and stop equating beauty with other good things in life (friends, love, happiness) it’s a lot easier to love yourself unconditionally
your job is not to sit around and be pretty and easy on everyone else’s eyes
your job is to do whatever the fuck you want and look however the fuck you want while doing it
This is how I got confident