1. I keep having this reoccurring daydream…

    I’m sittin’ back on my big comfy chair, smokin a black, sippin some sweet red wine… listenin to me’shell ndegeocello’s pandora station…

    and i hear your ringtone..

    it’s a text telling me you’re outside.. i give you the door code and come open the door… you smirk at me and ask, “watchu doin smokin that?” 
    "i smoke ‘em when i’m stressed" i’d reply.. i’d try to smile but my brows would meet somewhere in the middle and quiver… 

    you’d look at me, longing, pitiful.. one eyeball at a time back and forth and back and forth like you do…

    I begin to cry, you embrace me and say, “oh jaz…” in that moment i let go. i let it out. i needed to and i did but..

    you’d ruin the silence beginning to explain how busy you’ve been, telling me of all of your activities and just like that… i remember who you are…

    just like that i rewind my tear, tense up.

    thinking to myself, communication takes place before and not afterwards and all of this is excuses. excuses in which you expect kind hearted Jasmin to understand your circumstances and forgive you without an apology.

    and i know this is just a daydream so lets just say you’ve realized what you’ve lost and how beautiful our potential was… lets say you’re ready… and you just needed that time…

    the sadness in my spirit due to my circumstances may have eased me into your arms when i was younger but… today, and in all of my reoccurring daydreams…

    i realize i deserve more than you.

    and i think i keep agreeing to us ‘talking’ about things to prove to myself that i am finally turned off. because i will be able to look into your eyes and see through them. i will look at you, and stare, cold.

    anything and everything you could do in this moment is too small. and i will always deserve more. and knowing you, an apology won’t be included.

    so the next time you wait remember, when a girl has daydreams, of her fairytale ending, it doesn’t include a dramatic return. she imagines someone who lets go of their rules for her. she imagines someone who enjoys her company so much that they won’t be confined by the design they laid for themselves. and guess what my dear, i was thatttt passionate for you. and the moment it wasn’t matched… i knew i deserved more than you.

    i deserve someone who is affected by my pain, sees me as human without me waving my hands, cares to check up on me after a car accident lol… i deserve someone who will cease being selfish when they see that they are hurting someone else in doing so. i deserve someone who doesn’t have to be told that. someone who doesn’t need that explained to them.

    and maybe you are THAT oblivious. maybe thats why you’re in my doorway, holding me and wiping away my tears.. thinking that in this moment you’ve already won, that you’ve already gotten your way… 

    I want to slide my drawz up my thighs after giving you one drip. 

    I always promised myself I would be significant to everyone that I encounter on this level… 

    so i’m not going to ignore your text and leave you outside my door. but i will let you in, let you think you’ve won and leave your mouth dry…

    vengeful? maybe. 

    and i’m not the tit for tat type but… 

    i’m hurt. 

    even more hurt at your audacity. 

    and i want to be as selfish as you.. in this reoccurring daydream.

    in hopes that it gives me the strength to be as selfish as you… in this reoccurring day to day life without you…

     

  2. Today I met my third Pisces (romantic interest). The last two didn’t go well. It is crazy how the month and day that she was born can be enough for me to draw up the barricades and run for cover. I was trying to determine how and why I was being drawn to these “Pisces”… I searched for similarities between the three and found none. But a friend of mine told me I need to look within myself, and figure out what is sending me to them… She was right… I have no idea what this new girl has to offer… No clue at all. But if I look at the other two instances, I can recall feeling a similar way… I think I figured out the commonality…

    All of the Pisces I have dated have had two things: 1. Sense of arrogance 2. Lack of respect.

    I remember feeling lower than them. 

    I almost feel like Pisces admire me but they don’t know how to genuinely connect with me on a level that they too can be themselves. They want to Trophy Wife me, put me in a little box so that they can stare at me, win me, take me as a prize. Is that how I want to be loved? No… it isn’t. 

    The craziest part of all of this is the fact that I have Pisces FRIENDS that are nothing like this… I don’t know man. 

     
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  5. reblog if you’re slept on

     

  6. "You don’t get to choose who handles your heart. There are simply people who were born with it in their teeth. When you meet them, it is best to build a bomb shelter."
     

  7. "You can be in a relationship for two years and feel nothing; you can be in a relationship for 2 months and feel everything. Time is not a measure of quality; of infatuation, or of love."
    — (via lovequotesrus)

    (Source: lozzat, via guitarsandcontrabandx)

     

  8. Minutes turned to hours
    And Became our dates
    When We Shared raindrops
    That turned into Lakes
    Bodies started Merging
    And the lines got grey
    Now I’m looking at him thinking
    Maybe He’s okay

     
  9. caught up in that undertow.

     
     
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  11. Hold me tight (Hold me tight)
    Don’t let go
    Turn me loose
    Never no, no, no
    We’ll stand our problems all in a row
    Watch them fall, like dominoes

     
     
  12. trust.

     
     
  13. hplyrikz:

    I can relate to this

    (via heelsandsexx)

     
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